Bet You Never Knew.
"My biggest regret was ever letting you think you knew who I was". Notebooks were scattered around me as I sat like a pretzel on the floor. I was cleaning out old boxes and digging through my random finds. A personal treasure hunt with a clean bookshelf and wine as my rewards. As I flipped through the tattered pages, I remembered back to the specific day I wrote that.. Fuming with anger on a packed train to Coney Island in 2019. Years of life sandwiched in between the girl I was then, but still, a thread into what I feel now.
I have a difficult time finding balance in my love/hate relationship with social media.
I LOVE the opportunity it presents to connect with people. The platforms it provides to be able to share life stories and capture memories. An outlet of creativity, but also a bank of information. My passion for creating and documenting life is rooted in it. Establishing a strong, social presence is necessary to succeed in the industry. Though, sometimes....it's tough. TOUGH.
There's a lot you don't know about me.
A lot you probably won't ever know unless I grant that trust and access to you.
That's oftentimes the problem though. Being transparent in my creativity has opened amazing doors and aligned opportunities I never imagined. My most recent job came from consistently posting my work and openly showing up online for years. On the flip side, that transparency has also opened space for external judgment (in both forward and subtle ways). And it tends to eat away at me because there are so many days where I say to myself "If they only knew the half of it...".
I post photos of my life and experiences, but there is so much more churning underneath the surface. And that misconception travels distances, especially in the minds of this generation. Life isn't always styled photoshoots and tasty brunch plates. Actually, about 90% of day-to-day life isn't. The last few years, especially the last, have been a journey of undocumented battles. I've gone through so much privately, but via social media, you'd assume otherwise. Despite some blog posts and some deep captions, an analysis of my channels would say: "Generally upbeat person who loves all things lifestyle and wants to inspire people". Which yes, that is a fraction of me.
However, when looking at my life, when looking at anyone else's life, understand this reality:
Behind the trendy trips, the material possessions, the delicious food -- we are all people. We feel happiness and heartbreak. Regret. Pain. Optimism. Hope. Unanswered questions. Confusing thoughts. Big dreams. No one is exempt from the emotions of personal change. Everyone's "perfect" life is lined with imperfections too. Consider how protective you feel about your own private battles, before being so quick to have an opinion on a fraction of what you see from someone else.
Maybe you clicked this because you thought I'd give you juicy gossip.
I'm sorry to disappoint if so.
I simply write this to say, stop allowing the pressure of a tiny, phone screen to dictate the vast reality we live in. As you experience growth in private, don't hold yourself, hostage, to feeling inferior. If you need to take a break, do it. Lay off logging in for a couple of days to clear your mental space. BUT when you return, adjust your viewpoint. Appreciate and enjoy the awesome things people post but also remember your life is awesome too. No, you might not be at the same point as your friends, but use it as inspiration, not negative comparison. Everyone has a back story; there is far more behind-the-scenes you're probably unaware of.
Understand there is always a space for you in this world. The unique combination of your character creates an aura only you can bring. Growing up is hard, especially in a society where media can be consumed 24-7. Yet, there is also beauty in it. Connecting with like-minds in different area codes, finding support in online communities, or simply being encouraged by a post. Social media can be an incredible tool, but solely at your discretion. We each have the choice to choose what impacts our personal energy. Choose what fuels you best.
And maybe put down your phone a little more. You'll be amazed at what's happening around you if you step away from it.
Sending love and light always. <3
Sincerely,
Shelbs