My elbow rested perfectly on the edge of the boat, as the wind reverberated off my cheeks. There's something about that fresh Tahoe air that hovers freely above the surface. I closed my eyes and just rode along the waves of the water for a minute, taking in the feeling of steadied freedom. I opened my eyes to look out at the blue mass surrounding me. I felt a renewed sense of hope spark inside my chest again. For the first time in a long time, I genuinely felt things were going to be okay.
The more we say no to ourselves, the more we miss out on in life. As a person who has spent years preaching to people to believe in their own light, I lived so deeply in the shadows of mine for a long time.
Surely, there were circumstances aligned with that, but I also know it was mostly my own doing. Which is why I'm done hitting the breaks. Self-sabotaging myself because I'm afraid of putting myself out there.
I'm ready to just coast and be along for the ride again.
EVERYONE is a hot mess in their own way. We can either act foolishly naive or take ownership of it. When we don't own our own faults and emotional complexities, we give other people the power to use them against us. I know I'm not perfect and I will now humbly admit that. So the next time someone wants to call out one of my personal insecurities in a conversation, I won't lose myself in that moment. I spent so many years stressing about being perfect. The perfect student, performer, creator, partner, sister, friend, colleague, the list goes on. And in doing so, I became so obsessed with curating my reality to look a certain way. When it was actually crumbling around me and I just wouldn't accept it.
My incessant desire to prove myself to every person in my life, drove me into the ground a few times. Burnout, frustration, disappointment. I gave way to all of those struggles because my goal was about showing up for everyone else. When in reality, I wasn't even showing up for myself in the way I needed. And I think a huge piece of growth was reworking how I "show up" for myself. It's not always bath bombs and wine. Sometimes it's saying " You need to stay consistent with this" or "This isn't fun but it's what you need to do right now".
No outside validation will ever be worth our inner peace. And when we recognize this, it also helps us get better at establishing boundaries, communicating, and setting ourselves up for fulfillment within. Then there's the case of our light. It's amazing how when you stop running away from what you really want in life, so many pieces fall into place. Things stop feeling forced and start just flowing. Initiating an overwhelming sense of peace as you go through daily life.
Right now, I'm just at a point where I want to enjoy life. It doesn't always have to be EPIC or MONUMENTAL. The little moments are equally, if not more special.
So maybe it's not always about grinding.
Sometimes, it might just be about coasting.
You are here for a reason and you won't fully know that until you just start moving in the direction that feels right. Stop letting people sell you false realities and doubts about what you can't accomplish. Stop restricting yourself from actually being happy because you're trying so hard to "look" happy. Quit stressing over planning for the future. Because when you believe wholeheartedly that life will work out and simply enjoy what is directly in front of you....the view gets more beautiful by the day.