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It Might Not Ever Be Me.




I fell to the ground laughing as beads of sweat glided down my face. 'WHAT AM I DOOOOINNNG?" The sound of Doja Cat's "Woman" song had been blasting on repeat from my computer for almost an hour. After about the 100th time trying to nail this Tik Tok routine down, I was TAPPED OUT. All excitement I had for filming was out the window. I sunk a little deeper into the cushions of my couch and let out a tiny laugh of defeat. Anything but creating felt better at that moment.


 

Maybe it's the state of the world, but being online has been overwhelming, to say the least. Yet, I think even before the heightened events of this summer, it was already reaching that space. Because everything is starting to sound the same. Same audio sounds, same videos, same filters. It's as if we're slowly blending into a massive "creative black hole".


As a creator (also just as a human in general) I really struggled this summer to find inspiration to create. And truthfully, that's largely because I was starting to try to assimilate into what was "in". It felt so foreign to me because creating was originally never intended to check off algorithm requirements. In my earliest days, it was about just expressing myself in ways that were fun and brought life to me.


After a creative planning day turned into a meltdown, I realized I put WAY too much pressure on myself. It's a problem when things I used to love as hobbies became simply dreadful. Or when I start forcing myself to show up a certain way online for the sake of meeting platform expectations.


Sure, even though I'm a dancer by craft, I don't have the patience or capability to learn Tik Tok dances. lol However, I joyfully scroll for hours watching other people. WHICH IS FINE. Because my real passion comes from speaking words into people's lives. So I'm finding cool ways that I can still dance and incorporate that too.


No, I might not ever be the next Tik Tok sensation. I might not ever be a trendsetter. I might not ever have massive partnerships. Though someday, I will be able to look back and feel joy looking at photos I took with my photographer friends. I will be able to go back to my old blogs and share fun stories with my family like my grandparents did. I will still be connected to people who I met through my creative journey. All while knowing that those experiences are reflections of my life story. For a long time that wasn't enough for me, but now... it is. THAT is why I ever started in the first place. To simply feel connected to people and do things that make me happy.


I won't let the pressure to be "in" cause me to shut out my ideas and passion.

 

Everything doesn't have to be the same. There is no single recipe for tried and true success. Also, what does success mean to YOU? We all bring our own flair in our own ways. What works for some other people might not for you. That doesn't make you any less of a creative or talented (heavy emphasis on this for others who struggle thinking that). It is just a matter of figuring out what DOES work for you and owning it. Yeah sure, 20 other people might be doing similar work, but they're not you.


They don't have your mind.

Ideas.

Skillsets.

Energy.

Light.


All of these things are uniquely aligned with you. So if you haven't been finding joy in creating lately, take a second to slow down. Take a moment to get back to just having fun and not worrying about the outcome. Free yourself from the pressure of molding into the status quo. Because you will only stifle what makes you who you are. At the end of the day, you should be having fun. :)


Tell your story YOUR way. THAT is the beauty of art and expression.


Sincerely,

Shelbs