Definition One: Notice (Noun) 1. the fact of observing or paying attention to something.
I've noticed lately just how small the world is. How easily a single sentence can drag me into an emotional spiral. I've noticed my waning ability to extend grace to other people, most importantly myself. I've noticed my appetite has shifted. My hunger to build an empire has subsided as deeply as my willingness to commit to self-care. I'm not interested in creating a trendy brand aesthetic anymore. I barely care about grocery shopping consistently. My bed of motivation is slowly drying up.
I've noticed I won't go outside for days at a time and use working from home as justification. Which inherently leads to spending more time tapping through a loop of algorithms feeding me anxiety, comparison, and fear. I've noticed my pool of optimism is growing stagnant. The curve of my smile is becoming more of a thin line. I've noticed my chest becoming tighter and my teeth more clenched together. Frustration and resentment are filtering my emotions and actions.
I've noticed I'm always trying to save everyone else as I neglect to save myself.
So what? What do you do when you start noticing little signs turning into larger problems?
Definition Two: Notice (Noun) 2. notification or warning of something, especially to allow preparations to be made.
"Sis, it's time to make some adjustments. You've got more inside of you than this."
I could ask if people have also noticed these shifts, but the responsibility belongs to me. Pretending I don't notice these changes is slowly capsizing me. A little bit of water seeping into my lifeboat day by day, action by action. We are so obsessed with consuming projections, we're losing sight of the real people behind them. We "see" people, but what do we really see? So here's my notice:
I am giving notice to the fact I need to put in some deep soul work. I am acknowledging dealing with years of trash has culminated in me feeling like a human dumpster. I am no longer sacrificing my well-being for professional praise. I am no longer transforming scraps of love into fake confetti for social appearances. I will not be made to feel inferior for being independent. I will not let the societal definition of a "successful woman" drive the direction of my choices. I will not willfully lean into manipulation and false projections.
My time, heart, mind, talent, energy, and presence ARE valuable. Sadly, I've quite never believed it — until now. Today, one of my best friends ended a message by saying "You have to make choices that don't hurt yourself." And she's right. I can keep noticing all the things about myself from above and do nothing — or I can work on it. I've tolerated many things over the years, but now I'm choosing to do the latter. If you are in a similar space, I hope you do the same.
It starts with us.
We can have what we want in life, but we need to pour into ourselves first and foremost. This applies to all areas —health, finances, friendships, relationships, jobs, etc. We can't hold people to a standard of respect we don't even have for ourselves. We can't celebrate the good in others, but fail to see what is inside of us. We need to start showing up for ourselves again. Taking the time to cultivate genuine joy and happiness on our own terms. We set the standard for our own lives, so what standard do we want to have? It is often said, "We deserve the world"...
And never again will I neglect my power to give it to myself.
Sending love and light.